How Blonde Are You???

Avoid those Bars like the plague, saying Premier legue players are arrogant and rude, and are only interested in one thing only! Excitedly head along in the hope of catching a glimpse of someone famous and maybe even getting a lucky photo on your mobile phone? Immediately start preparing yourself in an attempt to look as hot and easy as possible as you plan to bag yourself a footballer.....there wont be any recquirement for money or underwear tonight!

Flutter your eyelids at the Doormen and say "I don't do queing" and brazenly walk straight in, while other mingers in the que stare daggers? Grab some Chips to munch on whilst waiting, and start flirting with some of the blokes in the que and feeling their biceps? Say, "Sod that, I'm not waiting out here in the cold all night, just to get into some poxy Club", then head straight to the nearest kebab outlet!

Remove any loose clothing and jewellery and shimmy up the drainpipe to gain access via an open upstairs window with the agility of a cat? Flash your knickers at random passing motorists to attract attention to your plight , before remembering that you always leave a spare key under the mat, and with both neighbours either side and across the street, as a safe guard from this commonly o Use your mobile to call a Man to come along and offer to help a 'Maiden in distress'.

Initially arent all that keen to join in, but suddenly perk up as you realise that you have enough letters to spell some seriously offensive words? Stare blankly at the strange meaningless little pieces of white plastic on the table in front of you, untill you notice the prize bottle, and suddenly gush, " Hey look,.. Wine". When you notice everyone looking slightly baffled, you decide to recover Start entusiastically, quietly confident of winning the 'prize', as you effortlessly start producing long high scoring words?

Desperately look around for a 'buy one get one free' tag from a range of cheaper 'sale' shoes, and secretly swap the tags over and then head for the tills? Leave both pairs in the shop, thinking you could probably buy yourself a new cooker for the same amount? Pick up Both pairs and head for the Managers office, where you drape yourself over his desk, and run your fingers through his hair as you unbutton your top, saying, "Hi honey, if you let me have these, I will make you a very very happy Man, right her

Phone up a half dozen local repair shops to get the best quote before taking the car in yourself, and not falling for any of those sales pitches, like, "Looks like your tracking needs doing missus, only another £25" Phone up a Man friend to sort it all out for you, as you dont like going to 'places like that' because they are all dirty and smell funny? Turn the car stereo up and sing along 'karaoke style' to some Bopy music and keep driving when it starts to make strange noises, only stopping when pulled over by an Officer who points out that you are now driving on the rims, you reply by shaking yo

Become all moody and emotional as the big day approaches, and occasionally burst into tears before pulling yourself together and getting on with it? Carefully prepare your CV and relevant qualifications, before turning up slightly early and smartly dressed and give it your best shot? Walk up to the Lady at the desk leering at her, and say "you are so history, Im sure to be the new Receptionist here." Only for the lady to reply that she is in fact the Security staff, and in any case the Company you are looking for is next door, bu

Frenchy Jeremy Mr J Lane